私は不思議に思つた。然し私は先生を研究する氣で其宅へ出入りをするのではなかつた。私はたゞ其儘にして打過ぎた。今考へると其時の私の態度は、私の生活のうちで寧ろ尊むべきものゝ一つであつた。私は全くそのために先生と人間らしい温かい交際が出來たのだと思ふ。もし私の好奇心が幾分でも先生の心に向つて、研究的に働らき掛けたなら、二人の間を繋ぐ同情の糸は、何の容赦もなく其時ふつりと切れて仕舞つたらう。若い私は全く自分の態度を自覺してゐなかつた。それだから尊いのかも知れないが、もし間違へて裏へ出たとしたら、何んな結果が二人の仲に落ちて來たらう。私は想像してもぞつとする。先生はそれでなくても、冷たい眼で研究されるのを絶えず恐れてゐたのである。
translation
I wondered. However, I did not go in and out of his house with the intention of studying him. I just took it upon myself to hit too hard. When I think about it now, my attitude at that time was one of the things in my life that I should rather respect. I believe that this is the very reason why I was able to have such a warm and human relationship with Sensei. If even a little of my curiosity turns toward Sensei's mind and works on research, the thread of sympathy that connects the two of us will suddenly snap without mercy. Take. I was young and completely unaware of my attitude. That may be why it's precious, but if they make a mistake and go inside out, what kind of consequences will fall on their relationship? I shudder to imagine it. Even if it wasn't for that, Sensei was constantly afraid of being studied with a cold eye.
kanji (pronunciations & definitions)
| 私: I (わたし), me, I (あたくし), I (あたし), I (アタシ) | 不思議: wonderful (ふしぎ), marvelous, strange, incredible, amazing | 然: -like (ぜん), so (さ), like that, in that way, like that (しか) | 先生: teacher (せんせい), instructor, master, sensei, title or form of address for a teacher, master, doctor, lawyer, etc. |
| 氣: spirit (き), mind, heart, nature, disposition | 出入: in and out (しゅつにゅう), income and expenses, free associations, run of the house | 其儘: without change (そのまま), without change (そのまんま), as is, as is, just like | 態度: attitude (たいど), manner, behaviour, demeanour, bearing |
| 寧: rather (むしろ), better, instead, if anything | 尊: zun (ancient Chinese wine vessel, usu. made of bronze) (そん), honorific prefix referring to the listener, counter for buddhas, Lord (みこと), Highness | 一: one (いち), 1, best, first, foremost | 全: all (ぜん), whole, entire, complete, total |
| 温: idiot (ぬく), dummy, slow person | 交際: company (こうさい), friendship, association, society, acquaintance | 好奇心: curiosity (こうきしん), inquisitiveness | 幾分: somewhat (いくぶん), to some extent, to some degree, some, part |
| 研究: study (けんきゅう), research, investigation | 的: -ical (てき), -ive, -al, -ic, -y | 掛: credit (かけ), money owed on an account, bill, hanger, holder | 二人: two persons (ににん), two persons (ふたり), two people, two people, pair |
| 同情: sympathy (どうじょう), compassion, pity | 糸: thread (いと), yarn, string, thread (し), 0.0001 | 何: what (なに), what (ナニ), you-know-what, you-know-what, that thing | 容赦: pardon (ようしゃ), forgiveness, tolerance, overlooking, leniency |
| 仕舞: end (しまい), close, finish, termination, noh dance in plain clothes | 若: youth (わか), child (esp. of the young son of someone of high social standing), young, new, like (こと) | 自分: myself (じぶん), yourself, oneself, himself, herself | 知: wisdom (ち), jnana (higher knowledge) |
| 出: coming out (で), going out, outflow, efflux, rising (of the Sun or the Moon) | 結果: result (けっか), consequence, outcome, effect, as a result of … | 仲: relation (なか), relationship, broker (すあい), broker (すわい), brokerage | 落: slip (おち), slip (オチ), omission, omission, upshot |
| 冷: refrigerator (れい), cold, cool, cold sake, cold water (ひや) | 眼: eye (め), eyeball, eyesight, sight, vision | 絶: starting field which contains the November and/or December 20-point card (ぜつ) | 恐: frightening (こわ), terrifying, yours sincerely (かしく), yours sincerely (かしこ), respectfully yours |