「私の氣分は國を立つ時既に厭世的になつてゐました。他は頼りにならないものだといふ觀念が、其時骨の中迄染み込んでしまつたやうに思はれたのです。私は私の敵視する伯父だの伯母だの、その他の親戚だのを、恰も人類の代表者の如く考へ出しました。汽車へ乘つてさへ隣のものの樣子を、それとなく注意し始めました。たまに向から話し掛けられでもすると、猶の事警戒を加へたくなりました。私の心は沈鬱でした。鉛を呑んだやうに重苦しくなる事が時々ありました。それでゐて私の神經は、今云つた如くに鋭どく尖つて仕舞つたのです。
translation
"My mood had already become pessimistic when I left the country. At that time, it seemed to me that the notion that others were unreliable had penetrated into my bones. I thought of my hostile uncles, aunts, and other relatives as if they were representatives of the human race, and even when I got on the train, I began to notice the things next to me. Occasionally, when someone spoke to me, I felt tempted to increase my vigilance.My heart was depressed.Sometimes I felt oppressed as if I had swallowed lead. As I said, it was sharply sharpened.
kanji (pronunciations & definitions)
| 私: I (わたし), me, I (あたくし), I (あたし), I (アタシ) | 國: country (くに), state, region, national government, central government | 厭世的: sick of life (えんせいてき), world-weary, pessimistic | 他: another place (ほか), some other place, somewhere else, outside, another (person or thing) |
| 伯父: uncle (おじ), uncle (しゅくふ), uncle (はくふ), uncle (one’s father’s older brother) (えおじ) | 伯母: aunt (おば), aunt (しゅくぼ), aunt (はくぼ) | 親戚: relative (しんせき), relation, kin | 人類: mankind (じんるい), humanity |
| 如: tathata (the ultimate nature of all things) (にょ), like (こと), like (ごと), like (もころ), similar to | 考: thought (こう), report on one’s investigation into …, deceased father | 出: coming out (で), going out, outflow, efflux, rising (of the Sun or the Moon) | 汽車: train (esp. long distance train) (きしゃ), steam train |
| 注意: attention (ちゅうい), notice, heed, care, caution | 話: talk (はなし), speech, chat, conversation, topic | 掛: credit (かけ), money owed on an account, bill, hanger, holder | 猶: still (なお), yet, more, still more, greater |
| 加: addition (か), Canada | 心: mind (こころ), heart, spirit, the meaning of a phrase (riddle, etc.), heart (しん) | 沈鬱: melancholy (ちんうつ), gloom, depression | 鉛: lead (Pb) (なまり) |
| 事: thing (こと), thing (こん), matter, matter, incident | 時々: sometimes (ときどき), occasionally, at times, from time to time, now and then | 鋭: sharpness (えい), sharp weapon, blade, fine soldier | 尖: diagonal move (こすみ), diagonal move (コスミ) |