私は今にも變がありさうな病室を退いて又先生の手紙を讀まうとした。然し私はすこしも寛くりした氣分になれなかつた。机の前に坐るや否や、又兄から大きな聲で呼ばれさうでならなかつた。左右して今度呼ばれゝば、それが最後だといふ畏怖が私の手を顫はした。私は先生の手紙をたゞ無意味に頁丈剥繰つて行つた。私の眼は几帳面に枠の中に篏められた字畫を見た。けれどもそれを讀む餘裕はなかつた。拾ひ讀みにする餘裕すら覺束なかつた。私は一番仕舞の頁迄順々に開けて見て、又それを元の通りに疊んで机の上に置かうとした。其時不圖結末に近い一句が私の眼に這入つた。
translation
I left the hospital room, which looked like it was about to change, and read the doctor's letter again. However, I couldn't bring myself to relax in the slightest. As soon as I sat down at my desk, I couldn't help but hear my brother calling me in a loud voice. My hands trembled with awe, knowing that if I was called again, it would be the last time. I just pointlessly flipped through Sensei's letter page by page. My eyes peered at the letters that had been scrupulously stitched into the frame. But I didn't have time to read it. I didn't even have time to pick it up and read it. I opened them one after another until the last page, and tried to put them back on the desk again. At that time, a phrase that was close to the unsuccessful ending caught my eye.
kanji (pronunciations & definitions)
| 私: I (わたし), me, I (あたくし), I (あたし), I (アタシ) | 今: now (いま), the present time, just now, soon, immediately | 變: strange (へん), odd, peculiar, weird, curious | 病室: sickroom (びょうしつ), hospital room, ward |
| 手紙: letter (てがみ), missive, note, mail | 然: -like (ぜん), so (さ), like that, in that way, like that (しか) | 寛: lenient (かん), gentle, relaxed (ゆた) | 机: desk (つき), desk (つくえ) |
| 否: no (ひ), the noes, no (いや), no (いな), nay | 大: large (おお), big, great, major, important | 聲: voice (こえ), singing (of a bird), chirping (of an insect), hoot, voice | 左右: left and right (さう), left and right (さゆう), left and right (そう), right and left, right and left |
| 最後: end (さいご), conclusion, last, final, latest | 畏怖: awe (いふ), fear, dread, fright | 手: hand (て), arm, forepaw, foreleg, handle | 先生: teacher (せんせい), instructor, master, sensei, title or form of address for a teacher, master, doctor, lawyer, etc. |
| 行: line (of text) (ぎょう), row, verse, carya (austerities), samskara (formations) | 眼: eye (め), eyeball, eyesight, sight, vision | 几帳面: methodical (きちょうめん), precise, meticulous, scrupulous, regular | 枠: frame (わく), framework, border, box, limit |
| 見: looking (み), viewing, (please) try (to), view (of life, etc.) (けん), outlook | 拾: ten (じゅう), ten (と), ten (とお), 10, 10 | 一番: number one (いちばん), first, first place, best, most | 仕舞: end (しまい), close, finish, termination, noh dance in plain clothes |
| 順々: in order (じゅんじゅん), in turn | 又: again (また), once more, once again, another time, some other time | 元: origin (もと), source, base, basis, foundation | 通: authority (つう), expert, connoisseur, well-informed person, counter for messages, letters, notes, documents, etc. |
| 上: above (うえ), over, up, top, summit | 結末: end (けつまつ), conclusion | 一句: phrase (verse, line) (いっく), one haiku-poem |