波瀾も曲折もない單調な生活を續けて來た私の内面には、常に斯うした苦しい戰爭があつたものと思つて下さい。妻が見て齒痒がる前に、私自身が何層倍齒痒い思ひを重ねて來たか知れない位です。私がこの牢屋の中に凝としてゐる事が何うしても出來なくなつた時、又その牢屋を何うしても突き破る事が出來なくなつた時、必竟私にとつて一番樂な努力で遂行出來るものは自殺より外にないと私は感ずるやうになつたのです。貴方は何故と云つて眼を
translation
Please think that I have always had this kind of painful battle inside me, who has continued to live a smooth life without any ups and downs. I don't know how many times I've been itchy myself before my wife got itchy. When I can no longer stay locked up in this prison, and when I can no longer break out of it, I must try my best. I came to feel that the only thing I could accomplish was suicide. why did you open your eyes
kanji (pronunciations & definitions)
| 波瀾: disturbance (はらん), trouble, commotion, uproar, turmoil | 曲折: bending (きょくせつ), winding, meandering, zigzagging, ups and downs | 生活: life (せいかつ), living, livelihood, (one’s) living | 私: I (わたし), me, I (あたくし), I (あたし), I (アタシ) |
| 常: constant (とこ), unchanging, eternal, ordinary (ただ), ordinary (タダ) | 苦: pain (く), anguish, suffering, distress, anxiety | 下: below (した), down, under, younger (e.g. daughter), bottom | 妻: wife (つま), garnish (esp. one served with sashimi), trimmings, accompaniment, side (remark) |
| 前: point (さき), tip, end, nozzle, head (of a line) | 私自身: myself (わたくしじしん), myself (わたしじしん) | 重: chief (おも), main, principal, important, main secondary or supporting role (in kyogen) | 知: wisdom (ち), jnana (higher knowledge) |
| 牢屋: jail (ろうや), gaol, jailhouse | 中: inside (なか), interior, among, within, middle | 凝: muscle stiffness (esp. in shoulders) (こり), muscle stiffness (esp. in shoulders) (しこり), lump (in tissue, esp. breast), lump (in tissue, esp. breast), swelling | 事: thing (こと), thing (こん), matter, matter, incident |
| 突: very (とっ), much | 破: middle section of a song (in gagaku or noh) (は) | 一番: number one (いちばん), first, first place, best, most | 努力: effort (どりょく), exertion, endeavour, endeavor, hard work |
| 自殺: suicide (じさつ) | 外: outside (そと), outside (と), exterior, exterior, the open (air) | 感: feeling (かん), sensation, emotion, admiration, impression | 貴方: your home (きほう), your residence, you (referring to one’s equal; epistolary style), you (あなた), dear |
| 眼: eye (め), eyeball, eyesight, sight, vision |