「私の亡友に對する斯うした感じは何時迄も續きました。實は私も初からそれを恐れてゐたのです。年來の希望であつた結婚すら、不安のうちに式を擧げたと云へば云へない事もないでせう。然し自分で自分の先が見えない人間の事ですから、ことによると或は是が私の心持を一轉して新らしい生涯に入る端緒になるかも知れないとも思つたのです。所が愈夫として朝夕妻と顏を合せて見ると、私の果敢ない希望は手嚴しい現實のために脆くも破壞されてしまひました。私は妻と顏を合せてゐるうちに、卒然Ｋに脅かされるのです。つまり妻が中間に立つて、Ｋと私を何處迄も結び付けて離さないやうにするのです。妻の何處にも不足を感じない私は、たゞ此一點に於て彼女を遠ざけたがりました。すると女の胸にはすぐ夫が映ります。映るけれども、理由は解らないのです。私は時々妻から何故そんなに考へてゐるのだとか、何か氣に入らない事があるのだらうとかいふ詰問を受けました。笑つて濟ませる時はそれで差支ないのですが、時によると、妻の癇も高じて來ます。しまひには『あなたは私を嫌つてゐらつしやるんでせう』とか、『何でも私に隱してゐらつしやる事があるに違ない』とかいふ怨言も聞かなくてはなりません。私は其度に苦しみました。
translation
“This kind of feeling about my late friend continued all the time. In fact, I was afraid of it from the beginning. However, since I am a person who cannot see the future for myself, perhaps this is the beginning of a change in my feelings and the start of a new life. However, when I saw my wife face-to-face every morning and evening as a husband, my daring hopes were fragilely destroyed by the harsh reality. As we face each other, I am suddenly threatened by K. In other words, my wife stands in the middle and tries to tie K and me together and not let go. I didn't feel any lack, so I just wanted to keep her away from this one point.Then, my husband will be reflected in her breasts.Although I can see it, I don't know why.Sometimes my wife asks me why. I was questioned if there was something I was thinking about, or if there was something I didn't like. Eventually, I heard complaints like, ``You must hate me,'' or ``You must be hiding something from me.'' I had to suffer.
kanji (pronunciations & definitions)
| 私: I (わたし), me, I (あたくし), I (あたし), I (アタシ) | 亡友: deceased friend (ぼうゆう) | 對: versus (たい), against, vs., v., to (e.g. score of 4 to 2, ratio of 3 to 1, vote of 320 to 180) | 感: feeling (かん), sensation, emotion, admiration, impression |
| 初: first (うい), first (はつ), new, new, innocent (うぶ) | 恐: frightening (こわ), terrifying, yours sincerely (かしく), yours sincerely (かしこ), respectfully yours | 希望: hope (きぼう), wish, aspiration, (bright) prospects, expectation | 結婚: marriage (けっこん) |
| 式: way (しき), style, fashion, method, system | 事: thing (こと), thing (こん), matter, matter, incident | 然: -like (ぜん), so (さ), like that, in that way, like that (しか) | 自分: myself (じぶん), yourself, oneself, himself, herself |
| 見: looking (み), viewing, (please) try (to), view (of life, etc.) (けん), outlook | 人間: human being (にんげん), human, person, man, mankind | 或: a certain … (ある), some … | 是: here (ここ), this place, this point, here, now |
| 新: new (しん), neo-, newness, novelty, Gregorian calendar | 生涯: life (しょうがい), lifetime, career, for life, all one’s life | 入: entering (いり), setting (of the Sun), containing, content, audience | 端緒: start (たんしょ), start (たんちょ), beginning, beginning, first step |
| 所: place (とこ), place (ところ), spot, spot, scene | 朝夕: morning and evening (あさゆう), morning and evening (ちょうじゃく), morning and evening (ちょうせき), morning and evening (ぢょうじゃく), from morning until night | 妻: wife (つま), garnish (esp. one served with sashimi), trimmings, accompaniment, side (remark) | 顏: face (かお), face (がん), visage, visage, look |
| 果敢: resolute (かかん), determined, bold | 妻: wife (つま), garnish (esp. one served with sashimi), trimmings, accompaniment, side (remark) | 卒然: sudden (そつぜん), unexpected, unannounced, abrupt | Ｋ: K (ケイ), K (ケー), k, k, kilo- |
| Ｋ: K (ケイ), K (ケー), k, k, kilo- | 何處: where (いずく), where (いずこ), where (いづこ), where (いどこ), where (どこ) | 迄: until (a time) (まで), till, to, up to, to (a place or person) | 付: furnished with (つき), furnished with (づき), furnished with (ツキ), including, including |
| 何處: where (いずく), where (いずこ), where (いづこ), where (いどこ), where (どこ) | 不足: insufficiency (ふそく), deficiency, shortage, lack, scarcity | 於: at (おいて), in, on | 彼女: she (かのじょ), her, girlfriend |
| 女: female (うみな), female (おうな), female (おな), female (おみな), female (おんな) | 胸: chest (むな), chest (むね), breast, breast, breasts | 夫: husband (おっと), male (お), manly, brave, heroic | 理由: reason (りゆう), reason (わけ), pretext, pretext, motive |
| 時々: sometimes (ときどき), occasionally, at times, from time to time, now and then | 妻: wife (つま), garnish (esp. one served with sashimi), trimmings, accompaniment, side (remark) | 何故: why (なぜ), why (なにゆえ), how, how | 考: thought (こう), report on one’s investigation into …, deceased father |
| 氣: spirit (き), mind, heart, nature, disposition | 詰問: cross-examination (きつもん), close questioning, demanding an explanation | 受: vedana (sensation) (じゅ) | 笑: laugh (わらい), laughter, smile, sneer, sex aids (e.g. dildos, pornographic books, erotic woodblock prints, etc.) |
| 癇: temper (かん), nerves | 高: quantity (たか), quantity (だか), amount, amount, volume | 嫌: disliking (いや), disliking (や), disliking (イヤ), not wanting, not wanting | 怨言: grudge (うらみごと), grudge (えんげん), complaint, complaint, reproach |