「私はＫに向つて御孃さんと一所に出たのかと聞きました。Ｋは左右ではないと答へました。眞砂町で偶然出會つたから連れ立つて歸つて來たのだと説明しました。私はそれ以上に立ち入つた質問を控えなければなりませんでした。然し食事の時、又御孃さんに向つて、同じ問を掛けたくなりました。すると御孃さんは私の嫌な例の笑ひ方をするのです。さうして何處へ行つたか中てゝ見ろと仕舞に云ふのです。其頃の私はまだ癇癪持でしたから、さう不眞面目に若い女から取り扱はれると腹が立ちました。所が其所に氣の付くのは、同じ食卓に着いてゐるものゝうちで奥さん一人だつたのです。Ｋは寧ろ平氣でした。御孃さんの態度になると、知つてわざと遣るのか、知らないで無邪氣に遣るのか、其所の區別が一寸判然しない點がありました。若い女として御孃さんは思慮に富んだ方でしたけれども、其若い女に共通な私の嫌な所も、あると思へば思へなくもなかつたのです。さうして其嫌な所は、Ｋが宅へ來てから、始めて私の眼に着き出したのです。私はそれをＫに對する私の嫉妬に歸して可いものか、又は私に對する御孃さんの技巧と見傚して然るべきものか、一寸分別に迷ひました。私は今でも決して其時の私の嫉妬心を打ち消す氣はありません。私はたび／＼繰り返した通り、愛の裏面に此感情の働きを明らかに意識してゐたのですから。しかも傍のものから見ると、殆んど取るに足りない瑣事に、此感情が屹度首を持ち上げたがるのでしたから。是は餘事ですが、かういふ嫉妬は愛の半面ぢやないでせうか。私は結婚してから、此感情がだん％＼薄らいで行くのを自覺しました。其代り愛情の方も決して元のやうに猛烈ではないのです。
translation
“I turned to K and asked him if he had gone out with his daughter. I should have refrained from further intrusive questions, but during the meal I was tempted to ask the same question again to the daughter. I used to laugh in a way that I didn't like, and I ended up telling him to look inside to see where he was going. K was furious at being treated so earnestly by a young woman. As for the daughter's demeanor, it was not at all clear to me whether she acted knowingly and intentionally, or whether she acted innocently without knowing it. However, I couldn't help but think that there was something I didn't like about that young woman. I was at a loss for a second as to whether I should regard it as my jealousy toward K, or as the daughter's skill toward me. Even now, I have no intention of denying my feelings of jealousy at that time, because, as I have repeatedly said, I was clearly aware of the workings of this feeling behind love. From an outsider's point of view, it's an almost insignificant trifle, and this feeling often wanted to lift my neck. After I got married, I realized that this feeling had faded away, and my love for him was never as intense as it used to be.
kanji (pronunciations & definitions)
| 私: I (わたし), me, I (あたくし), I (あたし), I (アタシ) | Ｋ: K (ケイ), K (ケー), k, k, kilo- | 一所: one place (いっしょ), one place (ひとところ), the same place, the same place, one person | 出: coming out (で), going out, outflow, efflux, rising (of the Sun or the Moon) |
| 答: answer (こたえ), reply, response, answer, solution | 偶然: coincidence (ぐうぜん), chance, accident, fortuity, by chance | 連: two reams (of paper) (れん), 1000 sheets (of paper), stanza, verse, tribe (in taxonomy) | 説明: explanation (せつめい), exposition, description, account, caption |
| 入: entering (いり), setting (of the Sun), containing, content, audience | 質問: question (しつもん), inquiry, enquiry | 然: -like (ぜん), so (さ), like that, in that way, like that (しか) | 食事: meal (しょくじ), dinner, diet |
| 問: question (とい), query, counter for questions (もん) | 掛: credit (かけ), money owed on an account, bill, hanger, holder | 嫌: disliking (いや), disliking (や), disliking (イヤ), not wanting, not wanting | 例: example (れい), instance, illustration, case, precedent |
| 方: direction (かた), way, person, lady, gentleman | 何處: where (いずく), where (いずこ), where (いづこ), where (いどこ), where (どこ) | 行: line (of text) (ぎょう), row, verse, carya (austerities), samskara (formations) | 中: inside (なか), interior, among, within, middle |
| 仕舞: end (しまい), close, finish, termination, noh dance in plain clothes | 癇癪: temper (かんしゃく), irritability, fit of anger, tantrum (esp. of children), temper tantrum | 持: draw (in go, poetry contest, etc.) (じ), tie | 面目: face (めいぼく), face (めんぼく), face (めんもく), honour, honour |
| 若: youth (わか), child (esp. of the young son of someone of high social standing), young, new, like (こと) | 女: female (うみな), female (おうな), female (おな), female (おみな), female (おんな) | 取: taking (とり), taker, collecting, collector, remover | 腹: abdomen (はら), belly, stomach, womb, one’s mind |
| 其所: there (place relatively near listener) (そこ), there (place just mentioned), that place, then (of some incident just spoken of), that (of point just raised) | 氣: spirit (き), mind, heart, nature, disposition | 付: furnished with (つき), furnished with (づき), furnished with (ツキ), including, including | 食卓: dining table (しょくたく) |
| 奥: inner part (おく), interior, back (of a drawer, one’s throat, etc.), depths (e.g. of a forest), recesses (e.g. of a cave) | 一人: one person (いちにん), one person (ひとり), being alone, being alone, being by oneself | 寧: rather (むしろ), better, instead, if anything | 態度: attitude (たいど), manner, behaviour, demeanour, bearing |
| 區別: distinction (くべつ), differentiation, classification | 一寸: one sun (approx. 3.03 cm) (いっすん), little bit (of time, distance, etc.), a little (ちょいと), a little (ちょっと), a little (ちょと) | 判然: clear (はんぜん), distinct, evident, definite | 判然: clear (はんぜん), distinct, evident, definite |
| 富: riches (とみ), wealth, fortune, resources, lottery | 共通: common (きょうつう), shared, mutual, to be common (to), to be shared (by) | 宅: house (たく), home, one’s house, one’s home, one’s husband | 眼: eye (め), eyeball, eyesight, sight, vision |
| 嫉妬: jealousy (しっと), envy | 可: acceptable (か), satisfactory, allowed, permitted, approval | 又: again (また), once more, once again, another time, some other time | 技巧: technique (ぎこう), finesse |
| 分別: discretion (ふんべつ), prudence, good sense, judgement, judgment | 分別: discretion (ふんべつ), prudence, good sense, judgement, judgment | 今: now (いま), the present time, just now, soon, immediately | 決: decision (けつ), vote |
| 打: dozen (ダース), hitting a ball (with a bat, golf club, etc.) (だ), batting, stroke | 返: number of times (へん), reply, answer | 通: authority (つう), expert, connoisseur, well-informed person, counter for messages, letters, notes, documents, etc. | 愛: love (あい), affection, care, attachment, craving |
| 感情: emotion (かんじょう), feeling, feelings, sentiment | 明: vidya (wisdom) (みょう), mantra, the coming (July 4, etc.), brightness (めい), discernment | 意識: consciousness (いしき), becoming aware (of), awareness, sense, mano-vijnana (mental consciousness, cognizer of sensory information) | 傍: near (そく), near (そば), near (はた), close, close |
| 足: foot (あし), paw, arm (of an octopus, squid, etc.), leg, gait | 瑣事: something small (さじ), something petty, trifle | 屹度: surely (きっと), surely (キッと), undoubtedly, undoubtedly, almost certainly | 首: neck (くび), neck (クビ), head, head, dismissal (from a job) |
| 上: above (うえ), over, up, top, summit | 是: here (ここ), this place, this point, here, now | 半面: half the face (はんめん), one side, half, the other side, the reverse | 結婚: marriage (けっこん) |
| 元: origin (もと), source, base, basis, foundation | 猛烈: fierce (もうれつ), intense, severe, violent, strong |