私ははつと思つた。今迄ざわ／＼と動いてゐた私の胸が一度に凝結したやうに感じた。私は又逆に頁をはぐり返した。さうして一枚に一句位づゝの割で倒に讀んで行つた。私は咄嗟の間に、私の知らなければならない事を知らうとして、ちら／＼する文字を、眼で刺し通さうと試みた。其時私の知らうとするのは、たゞ先生の安否だけであつた。先生の過去、かつて先生が私に話さうと約束した薄暗いその過去、そんなものは私に取つて、全く無用であつた。私は倒まに頁をはぐりながら、私に必要な知識を容易に與へて呉れない此長い手紙を自烈たさうに疊んだ。
translation
"I thought I was going." My chest, which had been rumbling and moving until now, felt as if it had suddenly froze. I flipped the page again. In this way, I read intensively, one haiku per page. In an instant, I tried to pierce the flickering letters with my eyes, trying to find out what I needed to know. At that time, all I wanted to know was Sensei's safety. Sensei's past, the gloomy past that he once promised to tell me, was completely useless to me. As I flipped through the pages, I reluctantly read this long letter, which could not easily give me the knowledge I needed.
kanji (pronunciations & definitions)
| 私: I (わたし), me, I (あたくし), I (あたし), I (アタシ) | 今迄: until now (いままで), so far, up to the present | 動: motion (どう) | 胸: chest (むな), chest (むね), breast, breast, breasts |
| 凝結: coagulation (ぎょうけつ), freezing, solidification, curdling, setting | 感: feeling (かん), sensation, emotion, admiration, impression | 頁: page (ページ), nth page, page …, kanji “big shell” radical (おおがい) | 返: number of times (へん), reply, answer |
| 一句: phrase (verse, line) (いっく), one haiku-poem | 位: throne (くらい), crown, (nobleman’s) seat, government position, court rank | 割: rate (わり), ratio, proportion, one tenth, ten percent | 倒: reverse (さかしま), inversion, upside down, unreasonable, absurd |
| 咄嗟: moment (とっさ), instant | 間: space (between) (あいだ), space (between) (あわい), gap, gap, interval | 知: wisdom (ち), jnana (higher knowledge) | 事: thing (こと), thing (こん), matter, matter, incident |
| 眼: eye (め), eyeball, eyesight, sight, vision | 刺: calling card (し), thorn (とげ), thorn (トゲ), spine, spine | 通: authority (つう), expert, connoisseur, well-informed person, counter for messages, letters, notes, documents, etc. | 試: testing (し), experiment, test, examination, exam |
| 安否: safety (あんび), safety (あんぴ), safety (あんぶ), safety (あんぷ), welfare | 過去: the past (かこ), bygone days, one’s past (that one would prefer remained secret), past (tense), preterit | 話: talk (はなし), speech, chat, conversation, topic | 約束: promise (やくそく), agreement, arrangement, one’s word, contract |
| 全: all (ぜん), whole, entire, complete, total | 無用: useless (むよう), futile, unnecessary, needless, not on business | 必要: necessary (ひつよう), needed, essential, indispensable, necessity | 知識: knowledge (ちしき), information |
| 呉: go (ご), soy beans soaked and mashed to a creamy paste (ingredient of tofu and soy milk), Wu (region in China, south of the lower Yangtze), Wu (kingdom in China during the Five Dynasties and Ten Kingdoms era; 902-937 CE), Southern Wu | 手紙: letter (てがみ), missive, note, mail | 疊: tatami mat (たたみ), Japanese straw floor coverings |