それ程女を見縊つてゐた私が、また何うしても御孃さんを見縊る事が出來なかつたのです。私の理窟は其人の前に全く用を爲さない程動きませんでした。私は其人に對して、殆んど信仰に近い愛を有つてゐたのです。私が宗教だけに用ひる此言葉を、若い女に應用するのを見て、貴方は變に思ふかも知れませんが、私は今でも固く信じてゐるのです。本當の愛は宗教心とさう違つたものでないといふ事を固く信じてゐるのです。私は御孃さんの顏を見るたびに、自分が美くしくなるやうな心持がしました。御孃さんの事を考へると、氣高い氣分がすぐ自分に乘り移つて來るやうに思ひました。もし愛といふ不可思議なものに兩端があつて、其高い端には神聖な感じが働いて、低い端には性慾が動いてゐるとすれば、私の愛はたしかに其高い極點を捕まへたものです。私はもとより人間として肉を離れる事の出來ない身體でした。けれども御孃さんを見る私の眼や、御孃さんを考へる私の心は、全く肉の臭を帶びてゐませんでした。
translation
I had been staring at her so much, but no matter what I did, I couldn't stare at her again. My reasoning was completely useless in front of him. I had an almost religious love for him. It may seem strange to you to see me apply this term, which I use only to religion, to young women, but I still firmly believe it. I firmly believe that true love is not so different from religious feeling. Every time I saw the daughter's face, I felt as if I had become beautiful. When I thought of the daughter, I felt that a noble spirit would soon come over me. If the mysterious thing called love has two ends, with a feeling of holiness at its high end and lust moving at its low end, then my love has certainly reached its highest peak. Thing. As a human being, I was in a body that could not leave the flesh. However, my eyes that looked at her, and my heart that thought of her, did not smell like meat at all.
kanji (pronunciations & definitions)
| 私: I (わたし), me, I (あたくし), I (あたし), I (アタシ) | 何: what (なに), what (ナニ), you-know-what, you-know-what, that thing | 事: thing (こと), thing (こん), matter, matter, incident | 理窟: theory (りくつ), reason, logic, (unreasonable) argument, strained logic |
| 全: all (ぜん), whole, entire, complete, total | 用: business (よう), task, errand, engagement, use | 爲: good (ため), advantage, benefit, welfare, sake | 對: versus (たい), against, vs., v., to (e.g. score of 4 to 2, ratio of 3 to 1, vote of 320 to 180) |
| 信仰: (religious) faith (しんこう), belief, creed | 愛: love (あい), affection, care, attachment, craving | 有: existence (ゆう), possession, having, limited company, bhava (becoming, existence) (う) | 宗教: religion (しゅうきょう), religious affiliation, belief, faith, creed |
| 若: youth (わか), child (esp. of the young son of someone of high social standing), young, new, like (こと) | 女: female (うみな), female (おうな), female (おな), female (おみな), female (おんな) | 見: looking (み), viewing, (please) try (to), view (of life, etc.) (けん), outlook | 貴方: your home (きほう), your residence, you (referring to one’s equal; epistolary style), you (あなた), dear |
| 知: wisdom (ち), jnana (higher knowledge) | 今: now (いま), the present time, just now, soon, immediately | 信: honesty (しん), sincerity, fidelity, trust, reliance | 本當: truth (ほんと), truth (ほんとう), truth (ホント), truth (ホントウ), truth (ホントー) |
| 顏: face (かお), face (がん), visage, visage, look | 自分: myself (じぶん), yourself, oneself, himself, herself | 美: beauty (び), august (み), beautiful | 心持: feeling (こころもち), mood, sensation, disposition, mental attitude |
| 不可思議: mystery (ふかしぎ), something inexplicable, wonder, miracle, unfathomable (of a Buddha’s abilities) | 端: near (そく), near (そば), near (はた), close, close | 神聖: holiness (しんせい), sacredness, sanctity, dignity | 感: feeling (かん), sensation, emotion, admiration, impression |
| 性慾: sexual desire (せいよく), sex drive, lust | 動: motion (どう) | 人間: human being (にんげん), human, person, man, mankind | 肉: flesh (にく), meat, flesh (of a fruit), pulp, the physical body (as opposed to the spirit) |
| 身體: body (しんたい), body (しんだい), body (しんてい), physical system, physical system | 眼: eye (め), eyeball, eyesight, sight, vision | 心: mind (こころ), heart, spirit, the meaning of a phrase (riddle, etc.), heart (しん) | 臭: -smell (しゅう), stinking of, smacking of, hinting of |