私は未亡人の事を常に奥さんと云つてゐましたから、是から未亡人と呼ばずに奥さんと云ひます。奥さんは私を靜かな人、大人しい男と評しました。それから勉強家だとも褒めて呉れました。けれども私の不安な眼つきや、きよと／＼した樣子については、何事も口へ出しませんでした。氣が付かなかつたのか、遠慮してゐたのか、どつちだかよく解りませんが、何しろ其所には丸で注意を拂つてゐないらしく見えました。それのみならず、ある場合に私を鷹揚な方だと云つて、さも尊敬したらしい口の利き方をした事があります。其時正直な私も少し顏を赤らめて、向ふの言葉を否定しました。すると奥さんは『あなたは自分で氣が付かないから、左右御仰るんです』と眞面目に説明して呉れました。奥さんは始め私のやうな書生を宅へ置く積ではなかつたらしいのです。何處かの役所へ勤める人か何かに坐敷を貸す料簡で、近所のものに周旋を頼んでゐたらしいのです。俸給が豐でなくつて、已を得ず素人屋に下宿する位の人だからといふ考へが、それで前かたから奥さんの頭の何處かに這入つてゐたのでせう。奥さんは自分の胸に描いた其想像の御客と私とを比較して、こつちの方を鷹揚だと云つて褒めるのです。成程そんな切り詰めた生活をする人に比べたら、私は金錢にかけて、鷹揚だつたかも知れません。然しそれは氣性の問題ではありませんから、私の内生活に取つて殆んど關係のないのと一般でした。奥さんはまた女丈にそれを私の全體に推し廣げて、同じ言葉を應用しやうと力めるのです。
translation
"I have always called widows Okusan, so from now on I will call them Okusan instead of widows." Okusan described me as a quiet and quiet man. I was also praised for being a studious person. But he didn't say a word about my uneasy look or my stoic demeanor. I don't know if it was because I didn't realize it, or because I was holding back, but it seemed like I wasn't really paying attention to it. Not only that, but on one occasion he called me an open-minded person, and spoke in a way that seemed to show respect. To be honest, I blushed a little and denied what he was saying. Okusan then explained to me in earnest, 'You can't notice it yourself, so I'm going to look left and right.' It seems that Okusan wasn't the type to have a student like me in her house in the first place. It seems that he had asked his neighbors to make arrangements for him to rent a tatami room to someone who worked for a government office or something. The idea that he wasn't well paid and that he was always lodging in an amateur's house must have been creeping into his wife's mind from the beginning. Okusan compared me with the imaginary guest she had imagined in her heart, and complimented me, saying that Kotsuchi was the more generous one. In fact, compared to people who lead such frugal lives, I might have been more generous with my money. However, since it is not a matter of temperament, it is generally irrelevant to my inner life. Okusan also pushes the woman to spread it to my whole body and force her to apply the same words.
kanji (pronunciations & definitions)
| 私: I (わたし), me, I (あたくし), I (あたし), I (アタシ) | 未亡人: widow (みぼうじん) | 事: thing (こと), thing (こん), matter, matter, incident | 常: constant (とこ), unchanging, eternal, ordinary (ただ), ordinary (タダ) |
| 是: here (ここ), this place, this point, here, now | 大人: adult (おとな), adult (だいにん), grown-up, grown-up, person of virtue (たいじん) | 男: man (おっこ), man (おとこ), male, male, fellow | 評: criticism (ひょう), commentary, review |
| 呉: go (ご), soy beans soaked and mashed to a creamy paste (ingredient of tofu and soy milk), Wu (region in China, south of the lower Yangtze), Wu (kingdom in China during the Five Dynasties and Ten Kingdoms era; 902-937 CE), Southern Wu | 不安: anxiety (ふあん), uneasiness, worry, apprehension, fear | 眼: eye (め), eyeball, eyesight, sight, vision | 何事: what (なにごと), what sort of thing, everything, anything, what (on earth)? |
| 出: coming out (で), going out, outflow, efflux, rising (of the Sun or the Moon) | 氣: spirit (き), mind, heart, nature, disposition | 付: furnished with (つき), furnished with (づき), furnished with (ツキ), including, including | 遠慮: reserve (えんりょ), constraint, restraint, modesty, diffidence |
| 何: what (なに), what (ナニ), you-know-what, you-know-what, that thing | 其所: there (place relatively near listener) (そこ), there (place just mentioned), that place, then (of some incident just spoken of), that (of point just raised) | 丸: circle (まる), circle (マル), entirety, entirety, whole | 注意: attention (ちゅうい), notice, heed, care, caution |
| 場合: case (ばあい), occasion, situation, circumstances, case (ばやい) | 鷹揚: large-hearted (おうよう), large-hearted (おおよう), large-hearted (ようよう), generous, generous | 方: direction (かた), way, person, lady, gentleman | 尊敬: respect (そんけい), esteem, reverence, honour, honor |
| 正直: honest (しょうじき), frank, candid, straightforward, honestly | 少: small (しょう), little, few | 顏: face (かお), face (がん), visage, visage, look | 赤: red (あか), crimson, scarlet, red-containing colour (e.g. brown, pink, orange), Red (i.e. communist) |
| 否定: denial (ひてい), negation, repudiation, disavowal, negation | 自分: myself (じぶん), yourself, oneself, himself, herself | 左右: left and right (さう), left and right (さゆう), left and right (そう), right and left, right and left | 眞面目: serious (まじめ), serious (マジメ), earnest, earnest, sober |
| 書生: student (しょせい), student who performs housework in exchange for meals and lodging, houseboy (attending school or university) | 宅: house (たく), home, one’s house, one’s home, one’s husband | 積: product (せき), volume, area | 何處: where (いずく), where (いずこ), where (いづこ), where (いどこ), where (どこ) |
| 人: -ian (e.g. Italian) (じん), -ite (e.g. Tokyoite), -er (e.g. performer, etc.), person working with …, man | 坐敷: tatami room (ざしき), tatami mat room, formal Japanese room, dinner party in a tatami room (esp. when a geisha or maiko attends) | 貸: loan (かし), lending, hire, rental, lease | 料簡: idea (りょうけん), thought, intention, design, view |
| 周旋: (acting as an) intermediate (しゅうせん), mediation, employment office (Edo period) | 俸給: salary (esp. public employees) (ほうきゅう), wages, pay | 得: profit (とく), advantage, benefit, gain, rebirth in paradise, entering nirvana | 素人: amateur (しらひと), amateur (しらびと), amateur (しろうと), amateur (しろと), layman |
| 人屋: jail (ごく), jail (ひとや), gaol, gaol, prison | 下宿: boarding (げしゅく), lodging, board and lodging, room and board, boarding house | 位: throne (くらい), crown, (nobleman’s) seat, government position, court rank | 考: thought (こう), report on one’s investigation into …, deceased father |
| 頭: counter for large animals (e.g. head of cattle) (とう), counter for insects in a collection, counter for helmets, masks, etc., head (あたま), head (かしら) | 胸: chest (むな), chest (むね), breast, breast, breasts | 想像: imagination (そうぞう), supposition, guess | 比較: comparison (ひかく) |
| 切: eager (せつ), earnest, ardent, kind, keen | 詰: stuffing (つめ), stuffing (づめ), packing, packing, end (esp. the foot of a bridge) | 生活: life (せいかつ), living, livelihood, (one’s) living | 比: ratio (ひ), proportion, match, equal, equivalent |
| 然: -like (ぜん), so (さ), like that, in that way, like that (しか) | 問題: question (e.g. on a test) (もんだい), problem, problem (e.g. societal, political), question, issue | 内生: endogeny (ないせい) | 活: living (かつ), life, judo art of resuscitation, action, activity |
| 取: taking (とり), taker, collecting, collector, remover | 殆: quite (ほとほと), utterly, really, completely | 一般: general (いっぱん), universal, ordinary, average, common | 同: the same (どう), the said, likewise |