私は女といふものに深い交際をした經驗のない迂濶な青年であつた。男としての私は、異性に對する本能から、憧憬の目的物として常に女を夢みてゐた。けれどもそれは懷かしい春の雲を眺めるやうな心持で、たゞ漠然と夢みてゐたに過ぎなかつた。だから實際の女の前へ出ると、私の感情が突然變る事が時々あつた。私は自分の前に現はれた女のために引き付けられる代りに、其場に臨んで却つて變な反撥力を感じた。奧さんに對した私にはそんな氣が丸で出なかつた。普通男女の間に横はる思想の不平均といふ考も殆んど起らなかつた。私は奧さんの女であるといふ事を忘れた。私はたゞ誠實なる先生の批評家及び同情家として奧さんを眺めた。
translation
I was an inexperienced, careless young man who was deeply involved in a woman. As a man, my sexual instincts have always led me to dream of women as the object of my longing. But it was nothing more than a vague dream, like gazing at the bright spring clouds. So sometimes when I went out in front of a real woman, my feelings would suddenly change. Instead of being attracted to the woman who appeared before me, I felt a strange repulsive force when I was there. I couldn't bring myself to face Oku-san. The idea of the inequality of thought that normally prevails between men and women hardly arose. I forgot that I am Okusan's woman. I only looked at Oku-san as a critic and sympathizer of a sincere teacher.
kanji (pronunciations & definitions)
| 私: I (わたし), me, I (あたくし), I (あたし), I (アタシ) | 女: female (うみな), female (おうな), female (おな), female (おみな), female (おんな) | 深: august (み), beautiful, growing late (ふけ), latening | 交際: company (こうさい), friendship, association, society, acquaintance |
| 青年: youth (せいねん), young man | 男: man (おっこ), man (おとこ), male, male, fellow | 異性: the opposite sex (いせい), isomerism | 對: versus (たい), against, vs., v., to (e.g. score of 4 to 2, ratio of 3 to 1, vote of 320 to 180) |
| 憧憬: longing (しょうけい), longing (どうけい), yearning, yearning, aspiration | 目的物: object (もくてきぶつ), objective, aim | 常: constant (とこ), unchanging, eternal, ordinary (ただ), ordinary (タダ) | 夢: dream (ゆめ) |
| 春: spring (はる), springtime, New Year, prime (of life), height (of one’s prosperity) | 雲: cloud (くも) | 心持: feeling (こころもち), mood, sensation, disposition, mental attitude | 漠然: vague (ばくぜん), obscure, indistinct, hazy, ambiguous |
| 前: point (さき), tip, end, nozzle, head (of a line) | 出: coming out (で), going out, outflow, efflux, rising (of the Sun or the Moon) | 感情: emotion (かんじょう), feeling, feelings, sentiment | 突然: abrupt (とつぜん), sudden, unexpected |
| 事: thing (こと), thing (こん), matter, matter, incident | 時々: sometimes (ときどき), occasionally, at times, from time to time, now and then | 自分: myself (じぶん), yourself, oneself, himself, herself | 現: reality (うつつ), consciousness, present (e.g. government, administration) (げん), current, existing |
| 付: furnished with (つき), furnished with (づき), furnished with (ツキ), including, including | 代: substitution (しろ), material, price, margin (e.g. for stapling, etc.), area required for something | 變: strange (へん), odd, peculiar, weird, curious | 反撥: opposition (はんぱつ), rebellion, revolt, resistance, backlash |
| 感: feeling (かん), sensation, emotion, admiration, impression | 奧: inner part (おく), interior, back (of a drawer, one’s throat, etc.), depths (e.g. of a forest), recesses (e.g. of a cave) | 氣: spirit (き), mind, heart, nature, disposition | 丸: circle (まる), circle (マル), entirety, entirety, whole |
| 男女: men and women (だんじょ), men and women (なんにょ), man and woman, man and woman, both sexes | 男女: men and women (だんじょ), men and women (なんにょ), man and woman, man and woman, both sexes | 間: space (between) (あいだ), space (between) (あわい), gap, gap, interval | 横: horizontal (as opposed to vertical) (よこ), horizontal (as opposed to vertical) (ヨコ), lying down, lying down, side-to-side (as opposed to front-to-back) |
| 不平: discontent (ふへい), dissatisfaction, complaint, grievance | 平均: average (へいきん), average (へいぎん), mean, mean, balance | 考: thought (こう), report on one’s investigation into …, deceased father | 殆: quite (ほとほと), utterly, really, completely |
| 先生: teacher (せんせい), instructor, master, sensei, title or form of address for a teacher, master, doctor, lawyer, etc. | 批評: criticism (ひひょう), critique, review, commentary | 批評家: critic (ひひょうか) | 及: and (および), as well as |
| 家: house (いえ), residence, dwelling, family, household |