「書物の中に自分を生理にする事の出來なかつた私は、酒に魂を浸して、己れを忘れやうと試みた時期もあります。私は酒が好きだとは云ひません。けれども飮めば飮める質でしたから、ただ量を頼みに心を盛り潰さうと力めたのです。此淺薄な方便はしばらくするうちに私を猶厭世的にしました。私は爛醉の眞最中に不圖自分の位置に氣が付くのです。自分はわざと斯んな眞似をして己れを僞つてゐる愚物だといふ事に氣が付くのです。すると身振ひと共に眼も心も醒めてしまひます。時にはいくら飮んでも斯うした假裝状態にさへ入り込めないで無暗に沈んで行く場合も出て來ます。其上技巧で愉快を買つた後には、屹度沈鬱な反動があるのです。私は自分の最も愛してゐる妻と其母親に、何時でも其所を見せなければならなかつたのです。しかも彼等は彼等に自然な立場から私を解釋して掛ります。
translation
"I couldn't put myself into my period in books, so there was a time when I tried to forget myself by soaking my soul in sake. I wouldn't say I like alcohol, though. It was a quality that could be drank more and more, so I tried to fill my heart by just asking for the quantity. In the midst of it, I suddenly realize where I am, and realize that I'm an idiot who is deliberately trying to imitate myself. Sometimes, no matter how much I drink, I can't even get into such a mimicry state, and I sink into the darkness. I always had to show my wife and her mother, whom I love most, where I was, and they explained me to them from a natural standpoint. hangs up.
kanji (pronunciations & definitions)
| 書物: book (しょもつ), volume | 中: inside (なか), interior, among, within, middle | 自分: myself (じぶん), yourself, oneself, himself, herself | 生理: physiology (せいり), menstruation, one’s period, menses |
| 私: I (わたし), me, I (あたくし), I (あたし), I (アタシ) | 酒: alcohol (き), alcohol (くし), alcohol (さけ), alcohol (ささ), alcohol (しゅ) | 魂: soul (たま), soul (たましい), soul (だましい), spirit, spirit | 己: oneself (itself, etc.) (おのれ), I, me, you, by oneself (itself, etc.) |
| 時期: time (じき), season, period, phase, stage | 好: friendship (ぎ), friendship (よしび), friendship (よしみ), friendly relations, friendly relations | 質: quality (しつ), value, nature, inherent quality, character | 量: quantity (りょう), amount, volume, capacity, portion (of food) |
| 盛: serving (of food) (もり), helping, chilled soba served on a dish (often on a wicker basket or in a shallow steaming basket) with dipping sauce | 力: force (ちから), strength, might, vigour, vigor | 方便: means (ほうべん), expedient, instrument, upaya (skillful means, methods of teaching), living (たずき) | 厭世的: sick of life (えんせいてき), world-weary, pessimistic |
| 不圖: suddenly (ふと), casually, accidentally, incidentally, unexpectedly | 自分: myself (じぶん), yourself, oneself, himself, herself | 自分: myself (じぶん), yourself, oneself, himself, herself | 位置: place (いち), position, location, position, standing |
| 付: furnished with (つき), furnished with (づき), furnished with (ツキ), including, including | 愚物: fool (ぐぶつ) | 身振: gesture (みぶり), gesticulation, motion | 共: first-person plural (or singular) (ども), second or third person plural (implies speaker is of higher status than those referred to), together with (とも), same, both |
| 時: time (とき), hour, moment, occasion, case | 状態: state (じょうたい), condition, situation, appearance, circumstances | 入: entering (いり), setting (of the Sun), containing, content, audience | 無暗: thoughtless (むやみ), reckless, rash, indiscriminate, indiscreet |
| 場合: case (ばあい), occasion, situation, circumstances, case (ばやい) | 出: coming out (で), going out, outflow, efflux, rising (of the Sun or the Moon) | 技巧: technique (ぎこう), finesse | 愉快: pleasant (ゆかい), delightful, enjoyable, joyful, cheerful |
| 屹度: surely (きっと), surely (キッと), undoubtedly, undoubtedly, almost certainly | 沈鬱: melancholy (ちんうつ), gloom, depression | 沈鬱: melancholy (ちんうつ), gloom, depression | 反動: reaction (はんどう), recoil, kick, backlash |
| 愛: love (あい), affection, care, attachment, craving | 妻: wife (つま), garnish (esp. one served with sashimi), trimmings, accompaniment, side (remark) | 母親: mother (ははおや) | 何時: when (いつ), at what time, how soon, normal times, ordinary days |
| 見: looking (み), viewing, (please) try (to), view (of life, etc.) (けん), outlook | 彼等: they (かれら), them, those (あれら), they, they (of people) | 自然: nature (しぜん), natural, spontaneous, automatic, naturally | 立場: position (たちば), situation, viewpoint, standpoint, point of view |