妻はそれを今日に困らないから心に弛みが出るのだと觀察してゐたやうでした。妻の家にも親子二人位は坐つてゐて何うか斯うか暮して行ける財産がある上に、私も職業を求めないで差支のない境遇にゐたのですから、さう思はれるのも尤もです。私も幾分かスポイルされた氣味がありませう。然し私の動かなくなつた原因の主なものは、全く其所にはなかつたのです。叔父に欺むかれた當時の私は、他の頼みにならない事をつくづくと感じたには相違ありませんが、他を惡く取る丈あつて、自分はまだ確な氣がしてゐました。世間は何うあらうとも此己は立派な人間だといふ信念が何處かにあつたのです。それがＫのために美事に破壞されてしまつて、自分もあの叔父と同じ人間だと意識した時、私は急にふら／＼しました。他に愛想を盡かした私は、自分にも愛想を盡かして動けなくなつたのです。
translation
My wife seemed to have observed that because she was not troubled today, she felt a sense of slack in her heart. In my wife's house, we had enough money to live on, and I was in a situation where I didn't have to look for a job, so it seems that way. is especially true. I also feel somewhat spoiled. But the main reason why I couldn't move was not there at all. When I was deceived by my uncle, I must have felt that I could not rely on others, but I still felt confident that I could take the wrong person. Somewhere along the line, I had the conviction that I was a fine human being, no matter what the world might say. That was beautifully destroyed because of K, and when I realized that I was the same person as my uncle, I suddenly fainted. I, who had been unfriendly to others, was also unfriendly to myself and was unable to move.
kanji (pronunciations & definitions)
| 妻: wife (つま), garnish (esp. one served with sashimi), trimmings, accompaniment, side (remark) | 今日: today (きょう), today (こんじつ), today (こんち), today (こんにち), this day | 心: mind (こころ), heart, spirit, the meaning of a phrase (riddle, etc.), heart (しん) | 出: coming out (で), going out, outflow, efflux, rising (of the Sun or the Moon) |
| 親子: parent and child (おやこ), parent and child (しんし) | 人位: person’s rank (じんい) | 何: what (なに), what (ナニ), you-know-what, you-know-what, that thing | 暮: sunset (くれ), sundown, nightfall, dusk, end |
| 財産: property (ざいさん), fortune, assets | 上: above (うえ), over, up, top, summit | 私: I (わたし), me, I (あたくし), I (あたし), I (アタシ) | 職業: occupation (しょくぎょう), profession, job, vocation, trade |
| 尤: superb (ゆう), outstanding | 幾分: somewhat (いくぶん), to some extent, to some degree, some, part | 然: -like (ぜん), so (さ), like that, in that way, like that (しか) | 動: motion (どう) |
| 主: chief (おも), main, principal, important, main secondary or supporting role (in kyogen) | 全: all (ぜん), whole, entire, complete, total | 其所: there (place relatively near listener) (そこ), there (place just mentioned), that place, then (of some incident just spoken of), that (of point just raised) | 叔父: uncle (おじ), uncle (しゅくふ), uncle (はくふ), uncle (one’s father’s younger brother) (おとおじ) |
| 事: thing (こと), thing (こん), matter, matter, incident | 感: feeling (かん), sensation, emotion, admiration, impression | 相違: difference (そうい), discrepancy, variation | 惡: evil (あく), wickedness, (role of) the villain (in theatre, etc.), the bad guy |
| 丈: only (だけ), just, merely, simply, no more than | 自分: myself (じぶん), yourself, oneself, himself, herself | 確: sure (たしか), certain, positive, definite, reliable | 氣: spirit (き), mind, heart, nature, disposition |
| 立派: splendid (りっぱ), fine, handsome, elegant, imposing | 人間: human being (にんげん), human, person, man, mankind | 信念: belief (しんねん), faith, conviction | 何處: where (いずく), where (いずこ), where (いづこ), where (いどこ), where (どこ) |
| 美事: splendid (みごと), magnificent, excellent, fine, superb | 同: the same (どう), the said, likewise | 意識: consciousness (いしき), becoming aware (of), awareness, sense, mano-vijnana (mental consciousness, cognizer of sensory information) | 急: sudden (きゅう), abrupt, unexpected, urgent, pressing |