私は當然自分の心をＫに打ち明けるべき筈だと思ひました。然しそれにはもう時機が後れてしまつたといふ氣も起りました。何故先刻Ｋの言葉を遮ぎつて、此方から逆襲しなかつたのか、其所が非常な手落りのやうに見えて來ました。責めてＫの後に續いて、自分は自分の思ふ通りを其場で話して仕舞つたら、まだ好かつたらうにとも考へました。Ｋの自白に一段落が付いた今となつて、此方から又同じ事を切り出すのは、何う思案しても變でした。私は此不自然に打ち勝つ方法を知らなかつたのです。私の頭は悔恨に搖られてぐら／＼しました。
translation
I thought that I should confide in my heart to K. However, I also felt that it was too late for that. Why had I interrupted K's words earlier and not counterattacked from my side? I thought it would still be nice if I continued after K, blaming him, and saying what I thought on the spot. No matter how much I thought about it, it was a change to bring up the same thing again now that K's confession had come to an end. I didn't know how to overcome this unnaturalness. My head shook with remorse.
kanji (pronunciations & definitions)
| 私: I (わたし), me, I (あたくし), I (あたし), I (アタシ) | 自分: myself (じぶん), yourself, oneself, himself, herself | 心: mind (こころ), heart, spirit, the meaning of a phrase (riddle, etc.), heart (しん) | Ｋ: K (ケイ), K (ケー), k, k, kilo- |
| 明: vidya (wisdom) (みょう), mantra, the coming (July 4, etc.), brightness (めい), discernment | 筈: should (be) (はず), bound (to be), expected (to be), must (be), nock (of a bow) | 然: -like (ぜん), so (さ), like that, in that way, like that (しか) | 時機: opportunity (じき), chance, time, occasion |
| 氣: spirit (き), mind, heart, nature, disposition | 起: source (おこり), origin, cause, beginning, genesis | 何故: why (なぜ), why (なにゆえ), how, how | 言葉: language (けとば), language (ことば), dialect, dialect, word |
| 逆襲: counterattack (ぎゃくしゅう) | 其所: there (place relatively near listener) (そこ), there (place just mentioned), that place, then (of some incident just spoken of), that (of point just raised) | 非常: emergency (ひじょう), extreme, great, extraordinary, remarkable | 見: looking (み), viewing, (please) try (to), view (of life, etc.) (けん), outlook |
| 自分: myself (じぶん), yourself, oneself, himself, herself | 通: authority (つう), expert, connoisseur, well-informed person, counter for messages, letters, notes, documents, etc. | 話: talk (はなし), speech, chat, conversation, topic | 仕舞: end (しまい), close, finish, termination, noh dance in plain clothes |
| 考: thought (こう), report on one’s investigation into …, deceased father | 自白: confession (じはく), admission | 一段落: reaching a stopping place (いちだんらく), reaching a stopping place (ひとだんらく), settling down (before the next stage), settling down (before the next stage), getting to a point where one can rest | 付: furnished with (つき), furnished with (づき), furnished with (ツキ), including, including |
| 事: thing (こと), thing (こん), matter, matter, incident | 切: eager (せつ), earnest, ardent, kind, keen | 出: coming out (で), going out, outflow, efflux, rising (of the Sun or the Moon) | 何: what (なに), what (ナニ), you-know-what, you-know-what, that thing |
| 變: strange (へん), odd, peculiar, weird, curious | 自然: nature (しぜん), natural, spontaneous, automatic, naturally | 不自然: unnatural (ふしぜん), artificial, affected, strained | 勝: win (しょう), victory, beautiful scenery, scenic spot, counter for wins |
| 知: wisdom (ち), jnana (higher knowledge) | 頭: counter for large animals (e.g. head of cattle) (とう), counter for insects in a collection, counter for helmets, masks, etc., head (あたま), head (かしら) | 悔恨: regret (かいこん), remorse, repentance, contrition |