貴方は現代の思想問題に就いて、よく私に議論を向けた事を記憶してゐるでせう。私のそれに對する態度もよく解つてゐるでせう。私はあなたの意見を輕蔑迄しなかつたけれども、決して尊敬を拂ひ得る程度にはなれなかつた。あなたの考へには何等の背景もなかつたし、あなたは自分の過去を有つには餘りに若過ぎたからです。私は時％＼笑つた。あなたは物足なさうな顏をちよいちよい私に見せた。其極あなたは私の過去を繪巻物のやうに、あなたの前に展開して呉れと逼つた。私は其時心のうちで、始めて貴方を尊敬した。あなたが無遠慮に私の腹の中から、或生きたものを捕まへやうといふ決心を見せたからです。私の心臟を立ち割つて、温かく流れる血潮を啜らうとしたからです。其時私はまだ生きてゐた。死ぬのが厭であつた。それで他日を約して、あなたの要求を斥ぞけてしまつた。私は今自分で自分の心臟を破つて、其血をあなたの顏に浴せかけやうとしてゐるのです。私の鼓動が停つた時、あなたの胸に新らしい命が宿る事が出來るなら滿足です。
translation
You may remember that you often turned to me for discussions on contemporary ideological issues. You probably understand my attitude towards it. Although I did not despise your opinion, I was never able to earn your respect. There was no background to your thoughts, and you were too young to have your own past. I laughed at times. Little by little you showed me your unsatisfactory face. In the end, you forced me to unfold my past before you like a scroll. At that time, in my heart, I respected you for the first time. Because you bluntly showed me your determination to capture a living thing from within my belly. Because she tried to break my heart and sip my warm blood. I was still alive then. I hated to die. So I rejected your request by promising another day. I am about to break my own heart and pour its blood on your face. I hope that when my heart stops beating, a new life will come to your heart.
kanji (pronunciations & definitions)
| 貴方: your home (きほう), your residence, you (referring to one’s equal; epistolary style), you (あなた), dear | 現代: present age (げんだい), present day, today, modern era, modern times | 思想: thought (しそう), idea, ideology | 問題: question (e.g. on a test) (もんだい), problem, problem (e.g. societal, political), question, issue |
| 私: I (わたし), me, I (あたくし), I (あたし), I (アタシ) | 議論: argument (ぎろん), discussion, dispute, controversy | 事: thing (こと), thing (こん), matter, matter, incident | 記憶: memory (きおく), recollection, remembrance, memory, storage |
| 態度: attitude (たいど), manner, behaviour, demeanour, bearing | 解: solution (of an equation, inequality, etc.) (かい), root (e.g. of a polynomial), solution (to a given problem), answer, explanation | 意見: opinion (いけん), view, comment, scolding, reprimand | 決: decision (けつ), vote |
| 得: profit (とく), advantage, benefit, gain, rebirth in paradise, entering nirvana | 程度: degree (ていど), amount, grade, standard, of the order of (following a number) | 考: thought (こう), report on one’s investigation into …, deceased father | 何等: (not) in any way (なにら), (not) in any way (なんら), (not) at all, (not) at all, (none) whatsoever |
| 自分: myself (じぶん), yourself, oneself, himself, herself | 過去: the past (かこ), bygone days, one’s past (that one would prefer remained secret), past (tense), preterit | 有: existence (ゆう), possession, having, limited company, bhava (becoming, existence) (う) | 餘: other (よ), another, remaining, leftover, over |
| 見: looking (み), viewing, (please) try (to), view (of life, etc.) (けん), outlook | 巻物: scroll (まきもの), rolled book, makimono, scarf, muffler | 前: point (さき), tip, end, nozzle, head (of a line) | 展開: development (てんかい), evolution, progression, unfolding, (plot) twist |
| 無遠慮: rude (ぶえんりょ), outspoken, presumptuous, cheeky | 腹: abdomen (はら), belly, stomach, womb, one’s mind | 中: inside (なか), interior, among, within, middle | 決心: determination (けっしん), resolution |
| 温: idiot (ぬく), dummy, slow person | 流: way (りゅう), manner, style, fashion, mode | 血潮: spurt of blood (ちしお), hot-bloodedness, hot blood, ardour | 生: pure (き), undiluted, raw, crude, raw (なま) |
| 厭: disliking (いや), disliking (や), disliking (イヤ), not wanting, not wanting | 他日: some day (たじつ), hereafter, at some future time | 約: approximately (やく), about, promise, appointment, engagement | 要求: demand (ようきゅう), firm request, requisition, requirement, desire |
| 破: middle section of a song (in gagaku or noh) (は) | 鼓動: beat (こどう), palpitation, pulsation, throbbing | 時: time (とき), hour, moment, occasion, case | 胸: chest (むな), chest (むね), breast, breast, breasts |
| 命: life (いのち), life force, lifetime, lifespan, most important thing | 宿: outcasts common around the Kyoto region from the Kamakura period to the Edo period (しゅく), lodging (やど), inn, hotel, house | 滿足: satisfaction (まんぞく), contentment, gratification, sufficient, satisfactory |