貴方がたから見て笑止千萬な事も其時の私には實際大困難だつたのです。私は旅先でも宅にゐた時と同じやうに卑怯でした。私は始終機會を捕える氣でＫを觀察してゐながら、變に高踏的な彼の態度を何うする事も出來なかつたのです。私に云はせると、彼の心臟の周圍は黒い漆で重く塗り固められたのも同然でした。私の注ぎ懸けやうとする血潮は、一滴も其心臟の中へは入らないで、悉く彈き返されてしまふのです。
translation
"Things that you saw as ridiculous were actually very difficult for me at the time." I was just as cowardly while traveling as I was at home. I watched K all the time, seizing every opportunity, but I couldn't do anything about his unusually lofty demeanor. I can tell you that the circumference of his heart was as if heavily coated with black lacquer. Not a single drop of the blood I was about to pour into my heart was returned to me.
kanji (pronunciations & definitions)
| 貴方: your home (きほう), your residence, you (referring to one’s equal; epistolary style), you (あなた), dear | 見: looking (み), viewing, (please) try (to), view (of life, etc.) (けん), outlook | 笑止: laughable (しょうし), ridiculous, pitiful, contemptible, absurdity | 事: thing (こと), thing (こん), matter, matter, incident |
| 困難: difficulty (こんなん), hardship, trouble, distress, infeasibility | 旅先: destination (たびさき), place one stays during a trip | 宅: house (たく), home, one’s house, one’s home, one’s husband | 時: time (とき), hour, moment, occasion, case |
| 卑怯: cowardly (ひきょう), craven, unfair, mean, sneaky | 始終: continuously (しじゅう), from beginning to end, from first to last | 氣: spirit (き), mind, heart, nature, disposition | Ｋ: K (ケイ), K (ケー), k, k, kilo- |
| 高踏的: highbrow (こうとうてき), high-toned, transcendent, transcendental | 彼: that (あ), that (あれ), that (アレ), that thing, that thing | 態度: attitude (たいど), manner, behaviour, demeanour, bearing | 何: what (なに), what (ナニ), you-know-what, you-know-what, that thing |
| 漆: seven (しち), seven (な), seven (なな), seven (ひち), East-Asian lacquer (うるし) | 重: chief (おも), main, principal, important, main secondary or supporting role (in kyogen) | 塗: coating (esp. lacquering) (ぬり), covered with (みどろ), stained, smeared | 同然: just like (どうぜん), (virtually) no different from, (almost) the same as, as good as (e.g. dead, settled) |
| 懸: credit (かけ), money owed on an account, bill, hanger, holder | 血潮: spurt of blood (ちしお), hot-bloodedness, hot blood, ardour | 一滴: one drop (of fluid) (いってき), one drop (of fluid) (ひとしずく) | 中: inside (なか), interior, among, within, middle |
| 悉: everything (ことごと) | 返: number of times (へん), reply, answer |