Ｋの神經衰弱は此時もう大分可くなつてゐたらしいのです。それと反比例に、私の方は段々過敏になつて來てゐたのです。私は自分より落付いてゐるＫを見て、羨ましがりました。又憎らしがりました。彼は何うしても私に取り合ふ氣色を見せなかつたからです。私にはそれが一種の自信の如く映りました。然しその自信を彼に認めた所で、私は決して滿足出來なかつたのです。私の疑ひはもう一歩前へ出て、その性質を明らめたがりました。彼は學問なり事業なりに就いて、是から自分の進んで行くべき前途の光明を再び取り返した心持になつたのだらうか。單にそれ丈ならば、Ｋと私との利害に何の衝突の起る譯はないのです。私は却つて世話のし甲斐があつたのを嬉しく思ふ位なものです。けれども彼の安心がもし御孃さんに對してであるとすれば、私は決して彼を許す事が出來なくなるのです。不思議にも彼は私の御孃さんを愛してゐる素振に全く氣が付いてゐないやうに見えました。無論私もそれがＫの眼に付くやうにわざとらしくは振舞ひませんでしたけれども。Ｋは元來さういふ點にかけると鈍い人なのです。私には最初からＫなら大丈夫といふ安心があつたので、彼をわざ／＼宅へ連れて來たのです。
translation
It seems that K's nervous breakdown had already subsided by this time. In inverse proportion to that, I was gradually becoming more sensitive. When I saw K, who was more calm than I was, I felt envious. I hated him again. Because he never showed interest in me. It seemed like a kind of confidence to me. However, even if I gave him that confidence, I was never satisfied. My suspicion took another step forward and wanted to clarify its nature. Whether it be in his studies or in his business, he seems to have regained the light of his future. If that's all there is to it, there's no reason for any conflict between K's and my interests. On the contrary, I am happy that my care was worth it. But if his reassurance is for his daughter, I will never be able to forgive him. Strangely enough, he seemed completely oblivious to my love for my daughter. Of course, I didn't act artificially so that it would catch K's eye. K was by nature a dull person. From the beginning, I was confident that K would be fine, so I purposely brought him to my house.
kanji (pronunciations & definitions)
| Ｋ: K (ケイ), K (ケー), k, k, kilo- | 衰弱: weakness (すいじゃく), debility, breakdown, prostration | 大分: considerably (だいぶ), considerably (だいぶん), greatly, greatly, a lot | 可: acceptable (か), satisfactory, allowed, permitted, approval |
| 私: I (わたし), me, I (あたくし), I (あたし), I (アタシ) | 方: direction (かた), way, person, lady, gentleman | 段々: notches (ぎざぎざ), notches (ギザギザ), serration, serration, indentation | 過敏: nervousness (かびん), oversensitivity |
| 自分: myself (じぶん), yourself, oneself, himself, herself | 見: looking (み), viewing, (please) try (to), view (of life, etc.) (けん), outlook | 彼: that (あ), that (あれ), that (アレ), that thing, that thing | 何: what (なに), what (ナニ), you-know-what, you-know-what, that thing |
| 合: between-season wear (あい), spring and autumn clothing, spring and fall clothing, together, condition | 一種: a kind (いっしゅ), a sort, a variety, a species, of sorts | 自信: self-confidence (じしん), confidence (in oneself) | 如: tathata (the ultimate nature of all things) (にょ), like (こと), like (ごと), like (もころ), similar to |
| 所: place (とこ), place (ところ), spot, spot, scene | 決: decision (けつ), vote | 滿足: satisfaction (まんぞく), contentment, gratification, sufficient, satisfactory | 疑: doubt (ぎ), distrust, suspicion (of) |
| 前: point (さき), tip, end, nozzle, head (of a line) | 出: coming out (で), going out, outflow, efflux, rising (of the Sun or the Moon) | 性質: nature (せいしつ), property, disposition | 明: vidya (wisdom) (みょう), mantra, the coming (July 4, etc.), brightness (めい), discernment |
| 是: here (ここ), this place, this point, here, now | 行: line (of text) (ぎょう), row, verse, carya (austerities), samskara (formations) | 前途: future (ぜんと), prospects, outlook, journey ahead, distance yet to cover | 光明: bright light (こうみょう), bright light (こうめい), hope, hope, bright future |
| 返: number of times (へん), reply, answer | 心持: feeling (こころもち), mood, sensation, disposition, mental attitude | 丈: only (だけ), just, merely, simply, no more than | 利害: advantages and disadvantages (りがい), interests (of parties) |
| 起: source (おこり), origin, cause, beginning, genesis | 世話: care (せわ), looking after, help, assistance, aid | 甲斐: effect (かい), result, worth, use, avail | 位: throne (くらい), crown, (nobleman’s) seat, government position, court rank |
| 對: versus (たい), against, vs., v., to (e.g. score of 4 to 2, ratio of 3 to 1, vote of 320 to 180) | 許: only (ばかり), only (ばっかり), merely, merely, nothing but | 事: thing (こと), thing (こん), matter, matter, incident | 不思議: wonderful (ふしぎ), marvelous, strange, incredible, amazing |
| 素振: behavior (そぶり), behaviour, manner, attitude, bearing | 全: all (ぜん), whole, entire, complete, total | 氣: spirit (き), mind, heart, nature, disposition | 付: furnished with (つき), furnished with (づき), furnished with (ツキ), including, including |
| 私: I (わたし), me, I (あたくし), I (あたし), I (アタシ) | 眼: eye (め), eyeball, eyesight, sight, vision | 振舞: behavior (ふるまい), behaviour, conduct, entertainment, treat | 鈍: dull (どん), dull (のろ), slow, slow, stupid |
| 最初: beginning (さいしょ), outset, first, onset | 大丈夫: safe (だいじょうぶ), safe (だいじょぶ), secure, secure, sound | 連: two reams (of paper) (れん), 1000 sheets (of paper), stanza, verse, tribe (in taxonomy) |