其後私はあなたに電報を打ちました。有體に云へば、あの時私は一寸貴方に會ひたかつたのです。それから貴方の希望通り私の過去を貴方のために物語りたかつたのです。あなたは返電を掛けて、今東京へは出られないと斷つて來ましたが、私は失望して永らくあの電報を眺めてゐました。あなたも電報丈では氣が濟まなかつたと見えて、又後から長い手紙を寄こして呉れたので、あなたの出京出來ない事情が能く解りました。私はあなたを失禮な男だとも何とも思ふ譯がありません。貴方の大事な御父さんの病氣を其方退けにして、何であなたが宅を空けらるものですか。その御父さんの生死を忘れてゐるやうな私の態度こそ不都合です。――私は實際あの電報を打つ時に、あなたの御父さんの事を忘れてゐたのです。其癖あなたが東京にゐる頃には、難症だからよく注意しなくつては不可いと、あれ程忠告したのは私ですのに。私は斯ういふ矛盾な人間なのです。或は私の惱髓よりも、私の過去が私を壓迫する結果斯んな矛盾な人間に私を變化させるのかも知れません。私は此點に於ても充分私の我を認めてゐます。あなたに許して貰はなくてはなりません。
translation
"After that, I sent you a telegram." To put it bluntly, I wanted to meet you at that time. Then, as you wished, I wanted to tell you about my past. You called me back and told me you couldn't go to Tokyo right now, but I was disappointed and stared at that telegram for a long time. It seemed that you weren't feeling well with the telegram, and you sent me a long letter later, so I fully understood the circumstances of your being unable to come to Tokyo. I have no reason to think that you are a disrespectful man. Why are you vacating the house, ignoring your dear father's illness? It is inconvenient for me to take the attitude of forgetting about my father's life and death. --I actually forgot about your father when I sent that telegram. By the time you were in Tokyo, I was the one who warned you that you had to be very careful because you were intractable. I am such a contradictory person. Or rather than my troubles, it may be that my past presses on me and turns me into such a contradictory person. I am fully aware of myself in this regard as well. I must ask for your forgiveness.
kanji (pronunciations & definitions)
| 其後: after that (そのあと), after that (そのご), after that (そののち), afterwards, afterwards | 私: I (わたし), me, I (あたくし), I (あたし), I (アタシ) | 電報: telegram (でんぽう) | 打: dozen (ダース), hitting a ball (with a bat, golf club, etc.) (だ), batting, stroke |
| 貴方: your home (きほう), your residence, you (referring to one’s equal; epistolary style), you (あなた), dear | 貴方: your home (きほう), your residence, you (referring to one’s equal; epistolary style), you (あなた), dear | 貴方: your home (きほう), your residence, you (referring to one’s equal; epistolary style), you (あなた), dear | 希望: hope (きぼう), wish, aspiration, (bright) prospects, expectation |
| 私: I (わたし), me, I (あたくし), I (あたし), I (アタシ) | 過去: the past (かこ), bygone days, one’s past (that one would prefer remained secret), past (tense), preterit | 物語: story (ものがたり), tale, narrative, account, fable | 返電: reply telegram (へんでん) |
| 東京: Tokyo (とうきょう), Tokyo (とうけい) | 出: coming out (で), going out, outflow, efflux, rising (of the Sun or the Moon) | 失望: disappointment (しつぼう), despair | 永: eternity (えいきゅう), eternity (とこしえ), eternity (とわ), permanence, permanence |
| 丈: only (だけ), just, merely, simply, no more than | 氣: spirit (き), mind, heart, nature, disposition | 見: looking (み), viewing, (please) try (to), view (of life, etc.) (けん), outlook | 長: height (たき), height (たけ), stature, stature, length (esp. of clothing) |
| 呉: go (ご), soy beans soaked and mashed to a creamy paste (ingredient of tofu and soy milk), Wu (region in China, south of the lower Yangtze), Wu (kingdom in China during the Five Dynasties and Ten Kingdoms era; 902-937 CE), Southern Wu | 出京: leaving for the capital (しゅっきょう), going to the capital, leaving the capital | 事情: circumstances (じじょう), conditions, situation, reasons, state of affairs | 能: talent (のう), gift, function, noh (theatre) |
| 男: man (おっこ), man (おとこ), male, male, fellow | 何: what (なに), what (ナニ), you-know-what, you-know-what, that thing | 大事: important (だいじ), serious, crucial, valuable, precious | 御父: daddy (おとう), father, husband |
| 其方: that way (そち), that way (そちら), that way (そっち), that way (そなた), that direction | 宅: house (たく), home, one’s house, one’s home, one’s husband | 空: emptiness (から), emptiness (カラ), being empty, being empty, not carrying anything | 生死: life and death (しょうし), life and death (しょうじ), life and death (せいし), life or death, life or death |
| 不都合: inconvenient (ふつごう), inexpedient, unfavourable, troublesome, difficult | 時: time (とき), hour, moment, occasion, case | 事: thing (こと), thing (こん), matter, matter, incident | 東京: Tokyo (とうきょう), Tokyo (とうけい) |
| 難症: incurable illness (なんしょう) | 注意: attention (ちゅうい), notice, heed, care, caution | 不可: wrong (ふか), bad, improper, unjustifiable, inadvisable | 忠告: advice (ちゅうこく), warning |
| 人間: human being (にんげん), human, person, man, mankind | 或: a certain … (ある), some … | 結果: result (けっか), consequence, outcome, effect, as a result of … | 知: wisdom (ち), jnana (higher knowledge) |
| 充分: enough (じゅうぶん), sufficient, plenty, adequate, satisfactory | 私: I (わたし), me, I (あたくし), I (あたし), I (アタシ) | 我: I (あ), I (あれ), I (わ), I (わぬ), I (われ) | 許: only (ばかり), only (ばっかり), merely, merely, nothing but |