私は自由な身體でした。たとひ學校を中途で已めやうが、又何處へ行つて何う暮らさうが、或は何處の何者と結婚しやうが、誰とも相談する必要のない位地に立つてゐました。私は思ひ切つて奥さんに御孃さんを貰ひ受ける話をして見やうかといふ決心をした事がそれ迄に何度となくありました。けれども其度毎に私は躊躇して、口へはとう／＼出さずに仕舞つたのです。斷られるのが恐ろしいからではありません。もし斷られたら、私の運命が何う變化するか分りませんけれども、其代り今迄とは方角の違つた場所に立つて、新らしい世の中を見渡す便宜も生じて來るのですから、其位の勇氣は出せば出せたのです。然し私は誘き寄せられるのが厭でした。他の手に乘るのは何よりも業腹でした。叔父に欺まされた私は、是から先何んな事があつても、人には欺まされまいと決心したのです。
translation
"I was free." I was in a position where I didn't need to consult with anyone, even if I quit school halfway through, where I went, where I lived, or where and who I married. Many times before that, I had decided to take the plunge and talk to Okusan about accepting a daughter. However, each time I hesitated and finally refrained from saying it. It's not because I'm afraid of being cut off. I don't know how my destiny would change if I were cut off, but in exchange, I would be able to stand in a different direction from where I was before and look out over the new world. I was able to show my courage. But I hated being invited. It was more work than anything to take another hand. Having been deceived by my uncle, I decided that no matter what happened, I would not be deceived by anyone.
kanji (pronunciations & definitions)
| 私: I (わたし), me, I (あたくし), I (あたし), I (アタシ) | 自由: freedom (じゆう), liberty | 身體: body (しんたい), body (しんだい), body (しんてい), physical system, physical system | 學校: school (がっこう) |
| 何處: where (いずく), where (いずこ), where (いづこ), where (いどこ), where (どこ) | 行: line (of text) (ぎょう), row, verse, carya (austerities), samskara (formations) | 何: what (なに), what (ナニ), you-know-what, you-know-what, that thing | 暮: sunset (くれ), sundown, nightfall, dusk, end |
| 何處: where (いずく), where (いずこ), where (いづこ), where (いどこ), where (どこ) | 何者: who (なにもの), what kind of person | 結婚: marriage (けっこん) | 誰: who (た), who (たれ), who (だあれ), who (だれ) |
| 必要: necessary (ひつよう), needed, essential, indispensable, necessity | 位地: place (いち), position, location, position, standing | 切: eager (せつ), earnest, ardent, kind, keen | 奥: inner part (おく), interior, back (of a drawer, one’s throat, etc.), depths (e.g. of a forest), recesses (e.g. of a cave) |
| 話: talk (はなし), speech, chat, conversation, topic | 見: looking (み), viewing, (please) try (to), view (of life, etc.) (けん), outlook | 決心: determination (けっしん), resolution | 事: thing (こと), thing (こん), matter, matter, incident |
| 何度: how many times (なんど), how many degrees (temperature, angle, etc.) | 度毎: each time (たびごと), every time | 躊躇: hesitation (ちゅうちょ), indecision, vacillation | 口: mouth (くち), opening, hole, gap, orifice |
| 恐: frightening (こわ), terrifying, yours sincerely (かしく), yours sincerely (かしこ), respectfully yours | 運命: fate (うんめい), destiny, lot | 分: minute (unit of time) (ふん), fun (one tenth of a monme, 5.787 grains), one-tenth (ぶ), one percent (one-tenth of a wari), 3 mm (one-tenth of a sun) | 今迄: until now (いままで), so far, up to the present |
| 場所: place (ばしょ), location, spot, position, room | 新: new (しん), neo-, newness, novelty, Gregorian calendar | 世: world (よ), society, public, life, lifetime | 中: inside (なか), interior, among, within, middle |
| 生: pure (き), undiluted, raw, crude, raw (なま) | 出: coming out (で), going out, outflow, efflux, rising (of the Sun or the Moon) | 然: -like (ぜん), so (さ), like that, in that way, like that (しか) | 厭: disliking (いや), disliking (や), disliking (イヤ), not wanting, not wanting |
| 手: hand (て), arm, forepaw, foreleg, handle | 業腹: spite (ごうはら), resentment | 叔父: uncle (おじ), uncle (しゅくふ), uncle (はくふ), uncle (one’s father’s younger brother) (おとおじ) | 是: here (ここ), this place, this point, here, now |