時たま御孃さん一人で、用があつて私の室へ這入つた序に、其所に坐つて話し込むやうな場合も其内に出て來ました。さういふ時には、私の心が妙に不安に冒されて來るのです。さうして若い女とたゞ差向ひで坐つてゐるのが不安なのだとばかりは思へませんでした。私は何だかそわそわし出すのです。自分で自分を裏切るやうな不自然な態度が私を苦しめるのです。然し相手の方は却つて平氣でした。これが琴を浚ふのに聲さへ碌に出せなかつたあの女かしらと疑がはれる位、恥づかしがらないのです。あまり長くなるので、茶の間から母に呼ばれても、『はい』と返事をする丈で、容易に腰を上げない事さへありました。それでゐて御孃さんは決して子供ではなかつたのです。私の眼には能くそれが解つてゐました。能く解るやうに振る舞つて見せる痕迹さへ明らかでした。
translation
Occasionally, when the young lady came into my room by herself on business, she would come out and sit there and have a conversation with me. At such times, my heart is strangely affected by anxiety. I didn't think that just sitting across from the young woman was uneasy. Somehow I start fidgeting. The unnatural attitude of betraying myself is tormenting me. On the contrary, the other party was calm. I'm not ashamed to the extent that I suspect that this is the woman who played the koto but couldn't get a good voice out of it. It was so long that even if my mother called me from the living room, I would have to answer "yes", and I would not be able to easily raise my hips. And yet she was never a child. My eyes could understand it easily. It was obvious to the traces that I acted as if I could understand.
kanji (pronunciations & definitions)
| 時: time (とき), hour, moment, occasion, case | 一人: one person (いちにん), one person (ひとり), being alone, being alone, being by oneself | 用: business (よう), task, errand, engagement, use | 私: I (わたし), me, I (あたくし), I (あたし), I (アタシ) |
| 序: opportunity (ついで), occasion, chance, order, sequence | 其所: there (place relatively near listener) (そこ), there (place just mentioned), that place, then (of some incident just spoken of), that (of point just raised) | 話: talk (はなし), speech, chat, conversation, topic | 場合: case (ばあい), occasion, situation, circumstances, case (ばやい) |
| 心: mind (こころ), heart, spirit, the meaning of a phrase (riddle, etc.), heart (しん) | 妙: strange (みょう), weird, odd, curious, wonder | 不安: anxiety (ふあん), uneasiness, worry, apprehension, fear | 若: youth (わか), child (esp. of the young son of someone of high social standing), young, new, like (こと) |
| 何: what (なに), what (ナニ), you-know-what, you-know-what, that thing | 自分: myself (じぶん), yourself, oneself, himself, herself | 不自然: unnatural (ふしぜん), artificial, affected, strained | 態度: attitude (たいど), manner, behaviour, demeanour, bearing |
| 然: -like (ぜん), so (さ), like that, in that way, like that (しか) | 相手: companion (あいて), partner, company, other party, addressee | 方: direction (かた), way, person, lady, gentleman | 琴: koto (13-stringed Japanese zither) (こと), koto (13-stringed Japanese zither) (そう), stringed instrument, stringed instrument, zheng (Chinese zither) |
| 碌: satisfactory (ろく), decent, good, proper, worthy | 疑: doubt (ぎ), distrust, suspicion (of) | 長: height (たき), height (たけ), stature, stature, length (esp. of clothing) | 茶: tea (ちゃ), tea plant (Camellia sinensis), tea preparation, making tea, brown |
| 母: mother (あも), mother (いろは), mother (おも), mother (かか), mother (はは) | 返事: reply (へんじ), answer, response | 丈: only (だけ), just, merely, simply, no more than | 容易: easy (ようい), simple, plain |
| 上: above (うえ), over, up, top, summit | 事: thing (こと), thing (こん), matter, matter, incident | 決: decision (けつ), vote | 子供: child (こども), children |
| 能: talent (のう), gift, function, noh (theatre) | 解: solution (of an equation, inequality, etc.) (かい), root (e.g. of a polynomial), solution (to a given problem), answer, explanation | 舞: dancing (まい), dance | 見: looking (み), viewing, (please) try (to), view (of life, etc.) (けん), outlook |